Thursday, September 21st, 2017

Is my ex-boyfriend using me?


ME and my ex have been separated for about 3 months now. I went on a “No Contact Rule” (I honestly didn’t want to speak to him) binge and refused his calls and changes my email address and everything. Once I did start talking to him again, we ended up having sex, and we have EVERY time I have gone over there since. I told him, “I don’t want to be friends with benefits, if you really want me let me know, otherwise I will have to get over you”

He said, were not friends with benefits, but even though we don’t “consider ourselves boyfriend/girlfriend… its the way it is” Well my mom kicked me out of the house and I am considering moving back in with him. I told him:

“Im not sure about this, if we do have a chance to work things out I don’t want to ruin it by moving in right away.” His response: “Oh, it wont be that hard, we will be living together just with no strings attached” When I told him again, “I don’t want to be friends with benefits!” He then replied: “Oh we wont be, sorry I didn’t think about that until after I sent it” That seemed slightly suspicious to me.

Well, he is ALWAYS asking to borrow money from me (he always pays me back so im not too worried about that) but, I would like to get a text every once in a while that didn’t involve me giving him something of mine. I can tell he doesn’t want to let me go, I have definitely said somethings to him that would make it hard for him to want to stick around. But I just need to know. Im so confused right now, and the hard part about it is, I can ask him all day “Are you using me?” and even if he is, it’s not like he’s going to admit it.

Can anyone give me some tips or advice? Is there anything I can do to tell if he’s using me?

So I have been at his house for about 2 days now and every night, he tries to have sex with me, and i eventually cave in. Last night, I told him, “I don’t feel good, my stomach hurts…” Him: “Aww, im sorry…” (5 minutes later he’s trying to arouse me.) Seriously?!

I question him a lot (openly to his face) “Are you just using me for sex and money?” and he always says the same thing “No, im not using you for sex or money, you give me too much money lol” But every time I say I don’t want to have sex, he some how convinces me too.

I cant help this nagging feeling im being used. Oh and his roommate is about to move out so he will be in a financial bind. I see him texting and emailing on his phone, and last night a girl called him at like 11:40pm and they talked for a little while. I know he’s talkin to other women, but he denies and and says “I dont have time for anyone right now.” So I feel he is using me because he doesn’t want to be alone and he’s/im used to me/him.

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8 Responses to “Is my ex-boyfriend using me?”
  1. Happy Penguin says:

    You are allowing yourself to be in this position, he is using you, and you are allowing this to happen, if you had stuck to your guns and stuck to the no contact rule, this would not be an issue.

    Show some strength, is he your ex? why are you still sleeping with him?

    Don’t you think you are giving him the ‘i am here to be used by you’ message?

  2. veeDOT says:

    wow. you are really dumb if you keep letting yourself be used. you don’t need a “test” you have your answer right in front of you – you are nothing but a bank and a f__k hole to this guy. get some self respect and get out of there.

  3. Allie Balliet says:

    You’re letting him do it to you dear :/ Just let him go, you don’t need him. A friends with benefits (incase he doesn’t get it) is when two people who aren’t dating have sex. Leave the douche bag. Get on your own two feet and find someone who will love you for who you are. Answer mine please?

  4. bonnie says:


  5. Confusedandconcerned says:

    I’m going to be completely honest with you right now, because that’s what you need. You don’t need anything sugar coated or just what you want to hear. If you have a feeling he’s using you, he probably is. Your gut instinct is pretty much always right. I’ve read this over a couple times and to me that’s what it sounds like. Even with you moving in he’s pulling that “no strings attached rule”. No strings attached means ” I can do what I want and who I want”. He may not be having sex with other girls right now, so I’m not trying to put this idea into your head. I’m just saying that it is always a possibility. If you move in, move into the other room and be a room ate. Cut him off from sex. YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO IT. It’s your choice. By giving him sex, even when you don’t want it, you give him the control of the relationship. He knows that if he’s horny he can just call you up and you’ll be right there giving him what he wants. Don’t let yourself get taken advantage of. You deserve better. You will be just fine without him in your life. There are so many other guys out there that would treat you like a princess like you deserve. Don’t EVER settle for less than you deserve because you really don’t have to. Now, if you feel like there’s some hope for you guys then try and make that work. Just be careful. Keep your guard up. Everything will be ok in the end, if it’s not ok, it’s not the end. Good luck.

  6. meztiza27 says:

    If you’re doubting too much on him,maybe just leave him alone because his just using you.. YOUR MONEY and your BODY… if he really loves you or serious in you maybe his not like that.. He’s just acting very well,like an actor… Leave him girl, boys in our generation are very DENIAL.. try to moved on and maybe one day you will find the right guy for you..

  7. Erik says:

    He is using you, leave and go back to no contact. he wants sex and money he isn’t there for you. im a guy and i have a couple of friends who are like that, there scummy as fu*# to the girl and will never get serious with them. i will just leave and stop wasting your time and find someone who wants to be with you.

  8. Pat says:

    I’m guessing you left him for a reason, maybe more than 1. Perhaps you need to remind yourself of why you left. Not all of the people who use others will be forthcoming about that fact. Based on what you’ve mentioned, I tend to believe you may be told what he thinks you want, or need, to hear to keep the 2 of you talking.

    Since the 2 of you broke up, you are not required to fund his welfare. If he was not pressuring you in to an activity you don’t want to do, you shouldn’t give the money. If you do, then you may want to be repaid, and that means you have to deal with him again. How is it he can tell you “I don’t have time for anyone right now.” but has time to try to con you in to sex? Are you an exception? Maybe the texting and emailling to another lady is strictly friendship? Maybe he’s texting and emailing a guy? You don’t mention you know for a fact he is dealing with another lady for the same reasons he’s dealing with you.

    I suppose there’s the possibility he’s having trouble coping with the 2 of you not being an item. I suggest you find a way to not be comfortable with this. Maybe spend less time with him this week than you did last week, spend less time with him next week than you do this week. Then again there’s the approach ‘We’re done. Nothing more. Plain and simple’

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